Getting Older . . . Getting Wiser?

My 5 Top Beauty Tips

2011-12-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

I doubt you woke up this morning thinking you didn't look your best so you better rush over to blogland to see what Sherry had to say.
LOL
But I did wake up this morning thinking about some things I've seen and some conversations I had this week and decided to pass along some advice, solicited or not.

So here are my top 5 beauty tips, in no particular order:

Know that your value is NOT derived from your outward appearance but from your character.
Practice the true beauty of love & kindness.
Have integrity.
Remember your life is not just about you; you are here to make this world better for the people you encounter everyday.
Act beautiful.
Know that you are beautiful.
Even tho true beauty comes from within you need to remember that you are outwardly beautiful.
Stop listening to the bullies from middle school who now reside in your head.
Stop giving the cruel adult power over you now.
You are beautiful.
Know it.
Smile. A lot.
I mentioned this in my post about looking younger. A smile covers a multitude of "flaws".
Smiling has this funny cyclical thing going - you smile and you feel both happy & confident which makes you smile more.
And happy people are attractive ~ others will be drawn to you in the hopes that your happiness will wear off on them too.
Stand up straight!!!
Okay, I could go on about this for hours!
It absolutely drives me nuts to see women all slouched over - stand up straight and your clothes fit better, your figure looks better and your back will thank you one day.
And while I'm sounding like a Mom, pick up your feet when you walk!!
Moisturizer with Sunscreen ~
face, neck & décolletage ~
everyday
I don't mean just for anti-skin-cancer reasons, I mean for your looks.
There are two great big things outside of you that work against you as you age ~ things we need if life is to survive on this planet but that take a great big toll on our appearance:
gravity and the sun
I haven't heard of an anti-gravity cream but there are anti-sun creams and your 50 year old self will bless you for using them.
I can't tell you how many times when I look in the mirror now I wish I'd used sunscreen when riding in the Miata with the top down. You're going to have to take my word on this becuz photos will not be provided!!

Ladies, looks aren't everything. Who you are to others is what matters.
But I know you care and there is nothing wrong with that.
And putting your prettiest self out there is easy and inexpensive when four of the five are decisions.

now if I could just figure out that anti-gravity cream . . .

things learned along the way

2011-11-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

saw this on Facebook, laughed & decided to share:

have a great day

and despite what this photo says, don't ever quit laughing

I'm thankful for . . .

2011-11-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

I’m thankful for forgiveness, grace and mercy becuz I am in dire need of them all.

I pray that I will practice forgiveness, grace and mercy with others.

I'm thankful for my mistakes as they've made me who I am and I like who I am now.

I pray that others will learn to forgive themselves, live without regret, and, most of all, like themselves!

I’m thankful that I live in this time, in this country where women have the same freedoms as men to vote, to speak, to pursue their dreams.

I pray that this will continue here and that all people everywhere will be free from oppression & repression.

I’m thankful for the constitution that guarantees my right to practice my religion. Or not. Where I am guaranteed the right to speak my mind, to protest my government, to assemble.

I pray that we will remember the price paid for those freedoms and value them accordingly, that all people everywhere will have these same freedoms.

I’m thankful for my parents, Uni & Bill Ball, who not only taught me the rules but taught me to love without condition, to think for myself, to value the thoughts of others, to have compassion for those less fortunate, to appreciate the differences – not to mock them.

I pray that I might be a loving parent, spouse and friend as modeled by them; that I will value what makes people different from me and not try to force them into a mold.

I’m thankful for my husband, Patrick Schoenfeldt, who loves me, not inspite of all my weirdness but becuz of it, who tells me I’m beautiful so often that I believe him, who knows my dreams and works toward them with me, who inspires me to be loving, who understands that domesticity is not as important as passion. (If you want to know more you can read the blog posts about how he saved our marriage here)

I pray that I will love him as well as he loves me and that he will always be here with me.

I’m thankful for my children, Nathan Opdyke and Dani Turner, who give me so much joy, who actually like to spend time with me, who are affectionate and smart and kind and good friends to their friends; that I can see myself in them yet see how different they are from me and from each other (tho this took me some time to see).

I pray that they can learn from my mistakes, that they will know the love I’ve known, that they will have all they need and then some, that they KNOW they are loved beyond measure.

I’m thankful for my home that is a haven from the craziness of the world, that’s cooler than the summers and warmer than the winters, that is often filled with family & friends, fun & laughter.

I pray that people everywhere will have a safe haven, a place to weather storms; that they can too be surrounded by those they love.

I’m thankful for art – both in the big sense of the word and that I am pulled to do it; that I now have time & space to do it; that it’s brought me in contact with other creative people who contribute so much to my life on so many levels.

I pray that I will never cease to have new creative ideas and the time to try them. And that people will “get” it and be willing to pay for it. J

I’m thankful for work for both Patrick and myself; that Patrick loves architecture & gets to practice it at a firm that actually has work; that I’m good at accounting & that in these tough times I am able to pick-n-choose between assignments; that I don’t have to do it 60 hours a week any more (see the previous section).

I pray that we will always be able to do what we love and know that that is more valuable than money.

I’m thankful for friends, the ones in-person and the ones on-line who I’ve never met up close; for all they contribute to my life and my art; for the support they’ve given me and the times they’ve set me straight.

I pray that I will be a good friend, honest, loyal and giving.

I’m thankful for Facebook & Blogger where I’ve reconnected with old friends, met new art friends and been able to get to know two younger cousins. I’m also thankful that I can hide, unfriend, block or ‘mark as spam’ those who only contribute negativity.

I pray that I will be a positive contribution to the online world and appreciate the differences in our great, vast world.

I’m thankful for my mind.

I pray that I use it well and it lasts as long as my body – or longer.

I’m thankful for Diet Coke™, margaritas and dark chocolate (tho not margaritas with dark chocolate).

I pray that I can learn to exercise moderation.

I’m thankful for high heels.

nuff said J

I hope you have a wonderful day with family, friends and food

filled with laughter and memories

and that your grattitude is known by all

time management

2011-11-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

today I'm not offering any words of wisdom

I'm seeking them

the list of things I want to do

and the list of things I need to do

are both so incredibly long

and just like you,

my time it too short

HOW DO YOU DO IT?????

Please, please, please share

lessons I learned about looking younger from a photo

2011-08-29T07:03:00.000-07:00


Mom	Dad's Mom	Mom's Mom

I am a big collector of family photos and as you can see my mother and grandmothers could have all been movie stars ~ perhaps some of it was the black & white photography, but I tend to think they were all just hotties. I'm sure you can understand why I want to believe it's genetics ~ hehe.

But I learned a lot more about looking younger from this picture taken when my grandmother was older than from any of the pictures taken in her youth. And I will share my "secrets" with you

Mom, Grandma Cook, Me, Great-grandma Dennis

* smile ~ we were celebrating Christmas when that photo was taken but you sure can't tell if we were having fun or not! Smiles might not make us look younger but being happy is better than looking young any day. (Mom says it's cuz it took so long for pictures to be taken back then!!)
* wear clothes that suit your shape ~ I don't think anyone looked good in those shirt dresses besides Barbara Billingsley on Leave It To Beaver! No matter how you're shaped, there are clothes that emphasize what you like and others that show what you prefer to keep hidden. Choose accordingly.
* hair ~ what can I say? You don't have to color your hair ~ several of my friends don't and they look amazing. I'm not quite there in the bravery department! But whether you color your hair or not, if you wear it like an old lady OR like you did in high school, your age is going to show.
* overall image matters more than the details ~ if you could look closely at this picture, you would see my grandmother has no wrinkles! Her skin is soooooooooooo smooth. But that's not the first impression you get from looking at this picture.
* be prepared ~ this photo showed me that double chins and weight gain are just as likely to be in my genetic code as movie-star good looks so I already have a chin surgery fund!! Okay, not really but I've joked about it for a long time. I do prefer photos be taken from slightly above so my chin, well, only has one layer. When I got my drivers license renewed this year I noticed that my chin line is a lot less distinct than it was 4 years ago! yikes!

Right now my age is half-way between the ages of my grandmother and great-grandmother in the photo above. I think you'll agree that one of the above lessons took ~ I sure know how to smile and laugh!!

Conquering Fear

2011-08-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I talked about change and its best buddy, fear. Now I'd like to give you some words of encouragement about dealing with fear:

Don't wait until the fear goes away before you act -
act until the fear goes away.

Please don't think I'm being glib or unrealistic or foolish. I decided to go for it with my art but I didn't just quit my day job and risk raising my kids in a cardboard box. As a matter of fact, it was years before I could quit my full-time job, then awhile longer until I could transition my part-time jobs into contract work, and it could still be another 9 months or twelve years before I can stop doing accounting altogether.

So, what should we do with those fears?
* acknowledge them
* look closely at them
* deal with them
* move on even if the fear is still there

What I am encouraging you to do is to think it through:

What is my fear?
Name it.
- Are you afraid you'll be embarassed? Um. So? Okay, THAT was glib. But really, it's not like you're having a wardrobe malfunction onstage at the Super Bowl. If embarrassment is your fear, then just be very careful who you tell - or tell no one.
- Are you afraid you'll fail? You've heard about Thomas Edison and his 3000 attempts to find a filament. Failing often breeds better ideas.
Where did this fear come from?
- Is that just me hearing mean old so-n-so again? We often play these tapes over-and-over in our heads because some kid in third grade or a cruel teacher or, worst of all, a bad parent told us we weren't good enough or we were stupid or some other judgment based more in their problems than on anything we did. Do we really want to give him/her/them control over our current life?
- Or, maybe it's your gut telling you something isn't quite right. Then research it a little more I'm a firm believer in listening to your natural instincts.
Is it a valid fear?
Could this actually happen?
- Am I really incompetent? Be honest. Shut off the tapes and evaluate the situation and your abilities, time availability, energy level, etc.
- What is the absolute worst thing that could happen and could I live with it? Don't exagerate either. Again, be honest. I think you'd be surprised how much easier it is to do without material goods (not basic food & shelter, obviously) when you're doing what you love. That's why they have to pay you more to work for jerks than to work for nice people.
Can I address/resolve any valid issues/concerns?
Seriously, is there really a true possiblity that you cannot find a way thru or around this obstacle given enough time or effort? I am willing to bet you can find someone to help you in exchange for your help at something (quid pro quo makes the business world go 'round). Maybe your ideas dovetail with someone else's. Maybe your spouse is ready for you to finally be happy and will do anything to make your dreams come true (yay for my hubby who feels this way).
Make a plan.
Man. This step alone is a biggie. Jessica Howard has
And then, to throw one more quote at you - probably one you've heard the most:

"Just Do It!" - Nike™
******************************

The artwork today is by Sylvia Drown. I "met" Sylvia in an online art-business class where we talked a lot about facing our fears. I couldn't believe how perfectly the quote on here dovetailed with my post and I am very excited to now own this piece.. Now I'd like to give you some encouragement if you're contemplating making a change and your stuck because of fear:a time management post and her step three fits here: Make a map and keep following it. I'll just advise that you think of everything you can and then be flexible. New things will be thrown at you. Good things. Bad things. Boring things. Adjust the plan.

Dealing with Change

2011-08-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

(if you read my other blog, this may be familiar to you -
however I've made a few changes based on the clarity of a little more hindsight!!)

I recently made a lot of changes in several areas of my life (downsizing, my art-business, my career, my online presence, not to mention this new blog with all it's self exposure). And I'm sure I'll go thru more with my art itself as well as the kind of changes I'll have no control over as I age and as my kids go further in their adult lives.

Change itself usually doesn't scare me - as you can tell by the 83 gazillion hair-styles I have had or the number of times I rearrange the furniture. (I had another birthday last month and I want to be sure that no one will ever be able to tell how old I am because I wear a hairstyle that screams which decade I went to high school or college!! hehe)

But the ramifications of change can be paralyzing. Hair grows out. Furniture can be moved back.

But quitting your day job to pursue your passion?!?!? Are you nuts? What if you don't sell anything and you end up living in a cardboard box? What if you sell so much that you can't keep up with demand? Okay, that last one is not one that's ever crossed MY mind, but you get the idea:

the thought of change invokes fear.

Another artist-blogger wrote about this awhile ago. The fact that she was able to step out of her fear long enough to throw it out into the world says a lot about how much she really wants to make this change.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the Triumph over it. The brave man is not one who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Eliot

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepset fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." - Marianne Williamson

Looking back I find it interesting that we fear change but we don't fear being stuck in careers that suck out our souls; we fear change but we don't fear being taken for granted. We think of CHANGE as the big-bad-monster hiding under the bed and the status quo as comfortable.

Yet if you're like me and so many others, you KNOW in your heart of hearts that this is not the life you should be living. Your fear of change is keeping you from being your true, best self.

When I post next time, I'll write more about facing our fears.

so what did we learn from all this?

2011-08-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

first I wrote about how my husband saved our marriage
then he told you his side of the story
now, what we learned:

LOVE DELIBERATELY:
Love is a choice we make over and over again. Feelings might “just happen” but relationships don’t. When you decide to get married you are going to have to decide to love each other many times when the feelings aren’t so loving. Now I heard that at church so many times but I didn’t get it.

Nothing coasts uphill – you have to exert some effort to reach higher ground. Work at it.

LOVE WELL:
People won’t know you love them if you don’t love them the way they need to be loved. We tend to do for others what we’d like done for us but that might not be what they need. When I ask Patrick what he needs he always says “you’re doing a great job” and while I appreciate the thought, I want to get even better. So I asked him, when you were unhappy in a relationship, what were you upset about not receiving? This made it much easier – we all know what upsets us.

People won’t know how you need to be loved if you don’t let them know. You can’t tell them if you don’t know yourself. I’ve always been pretty self-analytical (one ex told me “you think too much”) so this one is easy for me but if it’s not for you, then ask yourself what I ask him.

No matter how “silly” you think something is, if it’s important to them, it needs to be important to you. For instance, I can be insecure (hello?!? two failed marriages here) but instead of telling me that’s stupid or silly, show me you love me and are there for me.

(OK, I know some of y’all are thinking “but what if he wants me to …” about something sexual – well, sex is NOT what I’m talking about here but I will mention it briefly later.)

SELFLESSNESS:
This goes along with the first two: Put your mate first! I think most divorces are the result of putting your needs and wants first. Selflessness permeates the successful marriages I know and is a very predominant theme. Selfishness creates an environment of a test of wills. There is great satisfaction in knowing what your spouse wants and providing it to the best of your abilities.

EVEN IF SHE/HE DOESN’T:
Okay, I know that both partners should work on the marriage. But I also know sometimes that doesn’t happen. Even in good relationships, there will be days when somebody just isn’t trying very much. In bad relationships, there may not be many days when anybody is trying.

But you try because you decided to, not because s/he is trying. You do it because you committed to it. Sometimes you’ll wear them down with your love like Patrick did and they’ll start trying too. Sometimes you’ll try and nothing will happen. Then after you’ve tried you might try something else like professional help.

(OK, let me be clear here – I am not saying to keep on loving a jerk who hits you – again I have some pretty strong opinions about this and they are mainly YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS and YOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW THIS to happen to you. Even more so if there are children around to see it. And in cases of infidelity, if you want to work things out then definitely both people need to be working and it would probably be a very good idea to have outside help. I’m talking about the normal ins & outs, ups & downs of relationships.)

GUYS, LET YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU WANT HER:
Remember how much you desired her before you were married, and during the honeymoon. Let her know her know how desirable you think she still is, believe me there are a lot of benefits in it for you too.

LADIES, LET YOUR HUSBAND KNOW YOU WANT HIM:
You must have wanted him before you married him ~ why marry someone if you don't want them? Be sure you let him know you still do. And if you don’t still want him, then do something about it!

THE OTHER STUFF IN LIFE:
Life’s other problems are easier with a good relationship; the good things in life aren’t very enjoyable with a bad relationship. Put your marriage first and everything else kind of falls into place. Not saying there won’t be incredibly difficult times in your life; just saying your perspective will change.

****************

Okay - we're done with this series. Phew! Boy, it's tricky to be so brutally open yet we often think we're alone cuz nobody speaks up and says, oh yeah, been there, done that!! I am so grateful toPatrick for doing this with me. And proud of him for going outside his comfort zone.

Please let us know what you think or if you want to discuss something more.

Next week I'll be running some repeats from my other blog about change and fear.

and now in his words

2011-08-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

photo courtesy of Katelyn Swanson

Last time, I wrote about how my husband saved our marriage - today I'll let him tell the story:

I don’t know if I single handedly saved our marriage, because it takes two to do that. I do however know that I made a conscious decision one day to try to improve all things in our marriage.

Sherry was absolutely correct that we had let things slip in all aspects of our relationship and we were essentially roommates living our own lives. I was not happy with the situation or finding any satisfaction in my life. Sherry and I have always had a good relationship. However, I hate to admit that I never really was totally committed to it. I had never thought seriously about what Sherry needed from a husband or what she needed on all levels of her life (though as you know she isn't bashful about telling you). I know that was a big part of the problem because I had never totally invested in her and our relationship.

At this very same time I was in some accountability groups with other men in our church and I began to really understand the biblical view of a family where it is the husband’s responsibility to set the tone for the entire family especially his wife. The Bible is very clear on this point in Ephesians 6:25-28 and I began to see that if I don’t show my wife that she is loved more than any other thing in my life, how is she to respond to anything else?

So I made a decision to try to show Sherry that she is the most important thing in my life. It took a big examination of my own life to understand where I was falling short. I didn’t like what I saw, a self-centered, half-committed moron that was concerned more about trivial things than my marriage.

I deliberately did not tell Sherry about what I was doing because I didn’t want to make a big deal about it because, first, if I wasn't able to pull it off nobody would know and, second, I wanted to approach this with as much selflessness as I could and see if she noticed. I knew I had a lot of mending to do so I was prepared to be in this for the long haul.

The first thing I did was try to do as much for her as I possibly could. If you know her at all, you know that Sherry has never been a fan of housework while I don’t mind doing household chores. So I knew if I helped there it would help out on a lot of fronts. Also, having a diet coke ready for her when she got out of bed was a cheap but effective way to get her attention. Sherry was incredibly skeptical at first, wanting to know what my angle was but my sole purpose was to give her some relief so she would be able to focus more on her artwork ~ I wanted her to have the opportunity to spend her days doing what she loves.

The other thing I concentrated on was finding out what else was important to Sherry. I never really understood the importance of knowing until I really concentrated on it. And I got a wonderful benefit, I found out who my wife is, that I was in love with who she is and that she is more important than anything in the world; I was falling deeper in love with her the more I understood her. My love continues to grow each day; the more I am around her the more it grows.

To say the least, Sherry saw a profound change in my life and she began to embrace it and have confidence that this was permanent. This meant wonderful things to our marriage because as the love grew, the intimacy began to grow which just reinforces everything else and makes the love grow more. (Not to mention it smoothes over many potential potholes.)

Looking back on it, this is one of the prouder moments in my life; that I was actually able to change its outcome. And I found out that I was married to the most beautiful, creative, intelligent, desirable women in the world for me. I just didn’t have part in saving my marriage, I made my life.

Next time - the lessons we learned from this

How My Husband Saved Our Marriage

2011-07-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

my handsome architect

“Your mom and I are in hell right now and the bottom line is marriage is hard. It’s really bleeping hard. It’s just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing — it’s a bleeping marathon, okay? So sometimes, you know, you’re together so long you stop seeing the other person...” (by Stuart Blumberg & Lisa Cholodenko except using real f-bombs, not bleeping ;-p)

Being married IS hard. I’ve said that before (though maybe not as bleeping eloquently as Julianne Moore in the movie THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT) and I’ve said before that the hard work is so so so worth it.

So I think now would be a good time to tell you the story about how my husband saved our marriage.

About five years ago we let things get a little too comfortable between us. No, comfortable isn’t adequate – we let ourselves grow complacent. And like the character in the movie, I didn’t feel like I was being seen which to me translates as “you don’t love me”. Like so many of us, I need to feel understood, accepted and wanted in order to KNOW that I’m loved; for goodness sake, pay attention to me!!

Heck, I make it pretty easy to know me – it’s pretty evident from this young blog that I’m not exactly the type to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself – so you also know that there was no way my husband could claim he didn’t know that I was unhappy. But still, nothing changed and we were soon just co-occupants of the same house. I was starting to not care that he wasn’t paying attention which meant we were going down a very dangerous path. I think complacency causes the death of more marriages than anything else – probably because a lot of the “anything else” is done because of the complacency.

Then I few months later, I realized something HAD changed. But cynic that I am, I immediately assumed he was only paying attention to me because I lost some weight. Naturally I accused him of that but he just said no and wouldn’t fight with me about it.

Instead he kept paying attention to me, showing me I was wanted and doing sweet things for me. Little things that meant a LOT to ME. I mean, diet cokes before getting out of bed? Heaven!! It took a little while but his love wore thru the shell I’d started to build and our marriage was back on track. Almost without me realizing what was happening.

And then one day I woke up and saw how different everything was. He loved me!! We were closer than ever before, even closer than that initial period when you think you love each other desperately. Closer because we knew each other more fully and still loved each other more. People even started commenting on our relationship.

The close, good relationship had crept up on me just like the boring, bad one had. Only, while we had coasted downhill, someone had to work hard to push us back up hill. And I figured since it wasn’t me, it must have been him (I’m pretty smart, in case you didn’t know).

And being me, I just flat out asked him what changed.

a truly happy couple

He told me he decided that loving me was the most important thing he could do. Then he decided that he needed to love me the way I needed to be loved.

And he did.
Patiently.
Despite me not seeing.
Despite my accusations.
Until.
And still.

next time: what he has to say about all this and after that: the lessons we learned

Be Transparent

2011-07-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

Next week I'm going to run a series about how Patrick & I survived a rough spot in our marriage. But first I wanted to run this (yes, it's another reprint from my other blog) because being transparent has some bearing on what we learned from what we went thru. So pardon the repetition if you read it before but . . .

A few years ago, while working on a round robin tag book project called SEE ME, I sent an email out to everyone I knew asking them to describe me.

Now I have to admit that the people who didn't like me much didn't answer. But otherwise the number one response was TRANSPARENT which made me happy because I do try to be transparent. Now, don't get me wrong - everyone doesn't know everything. As a matter of fact, I don't think any one person knows it all, though my husband comes close.

I want to be real with those around me - if you're gonna love me, it's not gonna be cuz you only know the good parts.

With that in mind, here's a little more about me:

I am no Mother Theresa.
And I am no Martha Stewart.

I think I do a good job of loving my kids but baking for birthdays or Christmas? HA!! Why do that when there are so many local bakeries that need my financial support?

I'm very organized as an accountant but getting everything else done in a timely manner? HA!! Where's the mystery in life if it all goes according to plan?

And cleaning? What a joke!! I can't get the FUN stuff done let alone the stuff I hate. So you're gonna have to ignore dust bunnies at my house.

So when I read this blog post, I had to pass it along: Being Really Real

Remember, perfectionism can be both irritating and BORING!

Click here to see more of my "See Me" art

Exercise

2011-07-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

Over on Facebook I have been complaining about walking in this rediculous heat - I just don't like to exercise - what about you?I'm sure that you know all the reasons why we should be exercising just like I do. But doing it? That's a different story. (If you read my other blog, some of this will be familiar to you - hope you don't mind.)

Here are the top three reasons I don't like exercise:
#3 - SWEAT

I know some folks who barely sweat.
I am NOT one of them. Not only do I sweat, my hands and feet swell and my face turns red. Basically, I look like a very plump, very ripe tomato that has just been washed.

A photo of me looking this way does not accompany this paragraph!

#2 - PAIN

Whoever came up with the idea of "No pain, no gain" must have been a masochist. I mean, really, why does everything good for us have to be so painful? I wear some of those funny shaped walking shoes that are supposed to make your butt look better (mine are by Fila and I really do love them tho not nearly as much as I love my Christian Loubotin high heels - but I digress) so when I'm done walking, my calves, thighs and padunkadunk all hurt. While this means I might possibly be beginning to achieve my goals, I still don't like it.

#1 - TIME

This is the one thing I know we all agree on - there just is NOT enough TIME. And exercise takes up a lot of it.
Nuf said.

Here are the top four reasons I do exercise (at least sporadically):
#4 - HEALTH

As I mentioned earlier, we all know WHY we should exercise. And this is it. Reduced risk of heart disease, alzheimers, cancer and even osteoporosis. And so much more. This should be enough of a motivating factor, especially now that I'm so old, but...NOT!!!

#3 - MIND-WANDERING

This is my favorite part about walking. My mind goes anywhere and everywhere. For instance, I composed this whole blog post about how much I hate to exercise while walking. (Now, this one does NOT work when I'm weight lifting. I have to count and all sorts of stuff that doesn't allow my mind to wander. But let's be honest, I can't even FIND my weights these days.)

#2 - TIGHTER

I will never be skinny again. Thank goodness! I mean really, check out these knobby knees ~ they're awful!
but I do want to have fewer jiggles when I move and fewer rolls when I sit.

#1 - EATING

The number one reason I exercise when I do is cuz I LOVE TO EAT. Good food. Bad for you food. Fast food. (Unfortunately, I don't like veggies. And salad, as far as I'm concerned, is a START to a meal, not a meal. Unless it's full of meat & cheese & other fattening foods.) When I exercise, I can eat more and not gain weight. ALRIGHT! This is more motivation to me than a longer life. I know. That is sooooo wrong, but I'm trying to be honest with you.

So there you have it. Why I usually don't exercise like I should. Why I do exercise when I do.

What about you? How do you stay motivated? Or do you?

Well, now that I've cooled off I can go get in the shower.

Then I can hop in the car, waste some fossil fuels by driving to the 7/Eleven and buy myself a Milky Way Midnight.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - that was worth the walk!

Be Grateful

2011-07-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

my husband Patrick and our kids, Dani & Nate a couple years ago

I wrote about cookies & contentment the other day. And that reminded me about something I posted on my other blog awhile ago so I'm going to re-post it here with a few additions & changes.

Around thirteen years ago, I read the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach which was about getting what you wanted out of life thru the use of all sorts of visualization techniques in all sorts of journals. At the time I was working full time with two kids under 15 so I decided that if I did everything she suggested I wouldn't have time to pee let alone become a highly respected artist. But I did take one idea away from the book - keeping a gratitude journal.

And that gratitude journal changed my life. It sounds a little melodramatic, but it's true. It changed my relationships with my family because I was focusing on all the good instead of the day-to-day drudgeries and cuz I was no longer complaining about my job in every single conversation. And it changed my relationship with God because I realized if I was thankful, I must have someone to thank.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie

I made up pretty little journals and gave them to friends. I gave simple little books to everyone in my family and to everyone in my women's group from church. I don't know if anyone ever used them or if using them changed their lives. I just know how important it was to me.

Life is hard and times are tough for most of us much of the time yet we still have so much to be thankful for. It's human nature to talk negatively more than positively as anyone who deals with the public can tell you - or anyone who's turned on the TV prior to the elections. And I'm no different - when I don't spend enough time reflecting on the good, I lack a certain graciousness in my speech and actions.

So it's definitely time to remind myself again about all I'm grateful for:

my husband

my kids

my parents

my home

good friends

time to do my art

steady contract work the last four years

getting almost out of debt

the blogosphere

getting wiser as I've gotten older

etc, etc, etc.....................

One or None

2011-07-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

When my son was a toddler we had this little routine we would go thru almost every time he wanted a snack:

Him: Can I have some cookies?
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me (slightly exasperated): You can have one. Or none.

And, get this, most of the time he would walk away with zero cookies, thinking HE had taught ME a lesson.*

I'm not really sure what got me thinking about this today while I walked. Maybe it's because I ordered two breakfast sandwiches at Chick-fil-A yesterday (hey, one was spicy, one wasn't - it's perfectly logical!). Maybe I was just hungry so I thought about cookies. I'm not sure why I thought of it but the story made me realize how often I do this with other things in life.

How often have I wanted MORE so much that I did not appreciate NOW?

I think this lack of satisfaction & contentment is ultra-common. Why do/did we have the home-loan fiasco, cheating spouses, wars? People not being satisfied with what they have and going to great lengths to get bigger, newer, more.

But I'm not here to solve housing crises or wars, large or small. I'm here to tell you some things I've learned. The hard way. After multiple lessons. And this is a biggie:

Be satisfied.

In her song Soak Up the Sun, Sheryl Crow put it this way:

It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I mean, seriously, how great would I look in there????

In Hebrews 12:5 the writer says:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.

When we're not satisfied, when we don't live in gratitude for what we have, when we're not content:

Our spouses & our children infer that they're not enough - not that we're ungrateful.
Our children learn that greed is good.
We complain and people don't want to be around us.
We infect our entire lives with bitterness.

Yes, there are times when some of us do not have enough money for both food & medicine, gas & the rent. Times when wanting more means needing enough. When you're afraid that your kids could end up living in a cardboard box or somewhere you are not. (Of course there are lots of times we think we're desperate but we're really not.)

If we've practiced contentment before this then we can be at peace while we're doing what we have to do to provide. But if we've been ungrateful when times are good, what is left for us during the hard times?
Depression. Despair.

* sooooooooooooo in the long run, Nate did teach me a lesson - by walking away with no cookies all those times, he never developed a love of sweets. The little skinny toot.

Marriage 101 - part B

2011-07-08T05:15:00.000-07:00

When I wrote my last post about marriage, I barely mentioned something really, really important ~ that

the hard work is so, so worth it.

In other words

JUST CUZ IT'S HARD WORK DOESN'T MEAN IT SUCKS

I didn't want you to think that I was saying something negative. We have to work hard at almost everything in life in order to be successful. The most talented athlete in the world would still need to work hard. And hopefully s/he loves the work ~ if not s/he loves the results and the rewards.

But I know that when I say work, you might think back to a job you hated. But really did you hate working hard or did you hate the type of work or the jerks you worked for or the lack of appreciation or all the above? I've even had a few jobs where there wasn't enough work and they were too boring.

But I'm not talking about a job.
I'm talking about a marriage that we want to be special and meaningful.
I'm talking about putting in the effort to get what we want.
I'm talking about exchanging our time & energy for a good marriage.

And in addition to getting that good marriage, we'll learn to appreciate it becuz it cost us something (time & energy) and we'll learn to appreciate what our spouse has done becuz we see it cost him/her something as well.

You work hard at your marriage becuz you love and value it.

You value your marriage because you know the work it took.

That makes working hard a wonderful, cyclical thing.

I appreciate the comments I got to yesterday's post about what that hard work looks like and we'll talk more about it later. So please keep letting me know what you think ~ it's so much fun to me to get your emails and comments.
Thank you ~ Sherry

Marriage 101

2011-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

this could just as easily have read:

Three Strikes - You're Out!

But I learned some lessons from strikes one & two. There is actually sooooooooooo much to say on this subject that the entire blog could be about the lessons I've learned from my three marriages. But here's the biggie :

Getting married is easy
Getting divorced is easy (legally - not necessarily emotionally)
Being married is hard work
Hard work that is so, so worth it
(read more about this in part B)

we don't want to hear that when we're planning our big day
we don't want to admit it when we're married and something isn't "quite right"
we all want to think that what we have is special and transcendent and different from the rest

we're absolutely right of course
but we can't ignore the fact that even special transcendent love requires effort and maintenance! (I mean, why would marriage be different from everything else in life??)

knowing this is just the first step
but it's the most important step
because if you know it's hard work you can make the decision to do it (or not)
and reap the rewards !

I'd love for us to discuss more about this work from two standpoints ~

the work that needs to be done if you're considering marriage

the work that needs to be done when you are married

Please let me know what you think, what you've learned, what you want to know

Welcome!!!

2011-07-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

">	Hi! I'm Sherry Ball Schoenfeldt and I am a wife a mother a daughter an artist. But that's not all. I've also been a single mom gotten divorced twice worked a long time at jobs I hated.
You see, I'm "of a certain age" which is a nice, euphemistic way of saying I'm old but I don't want to admit I'm old, I get hot flashes but I'm still hot, and I have hopefully learned the lessons life taught me. And so, I thought I'd start a blog where I could share some of what I've learned - especially things I wish I'd learned earlier - and hopefully entice others to share their knowledge here as well.		">
Maybe young women will flock here to learn from us (after all, we all took advantage of what our mothers had already learned and our daughters actually take the advice we offer - LOL!!) But if not, we can still learn from each other ~ I know I haven't figured it all out yet, and maybe I never will. And we can laugh at some of the ways we learned the lessons. I want this blog to be very interactive so please contact me if you're younger and you would like to hear what we've learned about something, if you have some words of wit or wisdom to share or if you just have a story about a lesson learned. Thanks ~ Sherry