it just goes to show you, it's always something...

"Well, it just goes to show you, it's always something ~
if it ain't one thing, it's another."
Roseanne Roseannadanna
a Gilda Radner character on SNL

Sometimes life hits a bump in the road.  Sometimes they're huge but usually they're not.

I have been very fortunate to only have hit a couple of big bumps. A baby wasting away. Divorce.  Twice. 
When I've hit one of these big bumps, I've gone into autopilot mode and just functioned.   For instance, when Nate was diagnosed at seven weeks, I don't remember anything between walking across the skybridge from the doctor to the hospital and soaking in the tub a week later - after the emergency was over.  I call this grace.  (Thankfully I haven't suffered the loss of anyone close to me  ~  I call that extreme grace!)

But, quite frankly, I stink at handling those medium size speedbumps!!  And I mean, I stink BAD!!! 
Sure I've written about change and conquering fear and being content & grateful.  But when the not-so-pleasant unexpected happens, I just get totally overwhelmed.  And when I get overwhelmed, I prefer to hide under the covers until everything is done ~ not practice what I preach!  So, knowing how little that accomplishes, I cry and get mad at God.  Yes, I know that doesn't accomplish anything either.  And sometimes other people get caught in the crossfire. 

Right now there's a confluence of a few small problems and one medium size problem that is just causing me to freak out.  None of these issues is life threatening (or even long-term health threatening) or financially devastating.  I know it will all work itself out in a few weeks, a month at most, because action has been taken. 

But in the meantime, I burst into tears easily and am soooooooooooo frustrated.
Because I am forced to remember once again how little control I have over my own life. 
I'm smart.  I'm well-read.  I make informed decisions. 
But in the end, I'm always functioning at least partially in the dark.
I do not know what's around the corner.  I do not know what others are going to do.
And I don't like that.
I'm not a control-freak ~ I'm actually pretty laid-back about planning and spontaneous (tho, I have to admit, not nearly as spontaneous as when I was younger - but that's a whole other issue entirely LOL) but I don't like it much when my informed decisions and/or spontaneous actions blow up on me in just a few weeks! 

I have a long way to go in my spiritual journey.  I keep getting taught the same lessons over and over because, in addition to those things I've listed above, I'm also a wee-bit hard-headed.
And I know two of the lessons I need to re-learn from this:
  • rely on Him
  • be grateful
I'm sure there are others I need to learn or re-learn as well. 

This blog is supposed to be a place to share what we've learned. 
But I'm not sure that really applies to this post. 
Except maybe to encourage you to learn the lesson the first time.
You know, do as I say, not as I do.

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