it just goes to show you, it's always something...

"Well, it just goes to show you, it's always something ~

if it ain't one thing, it's another."

Roseanne Roseannadanna

a Gilda Radner character on SNL

Sometimes life hits a bump in the road.  Sometimes they're huge but usually they're not.

I have been very fortunate to only have hit a couple of big bumps. A baby wasting away. Divorce.  Twice. 
When I've hit one of these big bumps, I've gone into autopilot mode and just functioned.   For instance, when Nate was diagnosed at seven weeks, I don't remember anything between walking across the skybridge from the doctor to the hospital and soaking in the tub a week later - after the emergency was over.  I call this grace.  (Thankfully I haven't suffered the loss of anyone close to me  ~  I call that extreme grace!)

But, quite frankly, I stink at handling those medium size speedbumps!!  And I mean, I stink BAD!!! 
Sure I've written about change and conquering fear and being content & grateful.  But when the not-so-pleasant unexpected happens, I just get totally overwhelmed.  And when I get overwhelmed, I prefer to hide under the covers until everything is done ~ not practice what I preach!  So, knowing how little that accomplishes, I cry and get mad at God.  Yes, I know that doesn't accomplish anything either.  And sometimes other people get caught in the crossfire. 

Right now there's a confluence of a few small problems and one medium size problem that is just causing me to freak out.  None of these issues is life threatening (or even long-term health threatening) or financially devastating.  I know it will all work itself out in a few weeks, a month at most, because action has been taken. 

But in the meantime, I burst into tears easily and am soooooooooooo frustrated.
Because I am forced to remember once again how little control I have over my own life. 
I'm smart.  I'm well-read.  I make informed decisions. 
But in the end, I'm always functioning at least partially in the dark.
I do not know what's around the corner.  I do not know what others are going to do.
And I don't like that.
I'm not a control-freak ~ I'm actually pretty laid-back about planning and spontaneous (tho, I have to admit, not nearly as spontaneous as when I was younger - but that's a whole other issue entirely LOL) but I don't like it much when my informed decisions and/or spontaneous actions blow up on me in just a few weeks! 

I have a long way to go in my spiritual journey.  I keep getting taught the same lessons over and over because, in addition to those things I've listed above, I'm also a wee-bit hard-headed.
And I know two of the lessons I need to re-learn from this:

• rely on Him
• be grateful

I'm sure there are others I need to learn or re-learn as well. 

This blog is supposed to be a place to share what we've learned. 
But I'm not sure that really applies to this post. 
Except maybe to encourage you to learn the lesson the first time.
You know, do as I say, not as I do.
hehe

I'm thankful for . . .

I’m thankful for forgiveness, grace and mercy becuz I am in dire need of them all.

I pray that I will practice forgiveness, grace and mercy with others.

I'm thankful for my mistakes as they've made me who I am and I like who I am now.

I pray that others will learn to forgive themselves, live without regret, and, most of all, like themselves!

I’m thankful that I live in this time, in this country where women have the same freedoms as men to vote, to speak, to pursue their dreams.

I pray that this will continue here and that all people everywhere will be free from oppression & repression.

I’m thankful for the constitution that guarantees my right to practice my religion.  Or not.   Where I am guaranteed the right to speak my mind, to protest my government, to assemble.

I pray that we will remember the price paid for those freedoms and value them accordingly, that all people everywhere will have these same freedoms.

I’m thankful for my parents, Uni & Bill Ball, who not only taught me the rules but taught me to love without condition, to think for myself, to value the thoughts of others, to have compassion for those less fortunate, to appreciate the differences – not to mock them.

I pray that I might be a loving parent, spouse and friend as modeled by them; that I will value what makes people different from me and not try to force them into a mold.

I’m thankful for my husband, Patrick Schoenfeldt, who loves me, not inspite of all my weirdness but becuz of it, who tells me I’m beautiful so often that I believe him, who knows my dreams and works toward them with me, who inspires me to be loving, who understands that domesticity is not as important as passion.  (If you want to know more you can read the blog posts about how he saved our marriage here)

I pray that I will love him as well as he loves me and that he will always be here with me.

I’m thankful for my children, Nathan Opdyke and Dani Turner, who give me so much joy, who actually like to spend time with me, who are affectionate and smart and kind and good friends to their friends; that I can see myself in them yet see how different they are from me and from each other (tho this took me some time to see).

I pray that they can learn from my mistakes, that they will know the love I’ve known, that they will have all they need and then some, that they KNOW they are loved beyond measure.

I’m thankful for my home that is a haven from the craziness of the world, that’s cooler than the summers and warmer than the winters, that is often filled with family & friends, fun & laughter.

I pray that people everywhere will have a safe haven, a place to weather storms; that they can too be surrounded by those they love.

I’m thankful for art – both in the big sense of the word and that I am pulled to do it; that I now have time & space to do it; that it’s brought me in contact with other creative people who contribute so much to my life on so many levels.

I pray that I will never cease to have new creative ideas and the time to try them.  And that people will “get” it and be willing to pay for it. 

I’m thankful for work for both Patrick and myself; that Patrick loves architecture & gets to practice it at a firm that actually has work; that I’m good at accounting & that in these tough times I am able to pick-n-choose between assignments; that I don’t have to do it 60 hours a week any more (see the previous section).

I pray that we will always be able to do what we love and know that that is more valuable than money.

I’m thankful for friends, the ones in-person and the ones on-line who I’ve never met up close; for all they contribute to my life and my art; for the support they’ve given me and the times they’ve set me straight.

I pray that I will be a good friend, honest, loyal and giving.

I’m thankful for Facebook & Blogger where I’ve reconnected with old friends, met new art friends and been able to get to know two younger cousins.  I’m also thankful that I can hide, unfriend, block or ‘mark as spam’ those who only contribute negativity.

I pray that I will be a positive contribution to the online world and appreciate the differences in our great, vast world.

I’m thankful for my mind.

I pray that I use it well and it lasts as long as my body – or longer.

I’m thankful for Diet Coke™, margaritas and dark chocolate (tho not margaritas with dark chocolate).

I pray that I can learn to exercise moderation.

I’m thankful for high heels.

nuff said :)

I hope you have a wonderful day with family, friends and food

filled with laughter and memories

and that your grattitude is known by all

Be Grateful

my husband Patrick and our kids, Dani & Nate a couple years ago

I wrote about cookies & contentment the other day.  And that reminded me about something I posted on my other blog awhile ago so I'm going to re-post it here with a few additions & changes.

Around thirteen years ago, I read the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach which was about getting what you wanted out of life thru the use of all sorts of visualization techniques in all sorts of journals.  At the time I was working full time with two kids under 15 so I decided that if I did everything she suggested I wouldn't have time to pee let alone become a highly respected artist.  But I did take one idea away from the book - keeping a gratitude journal.

And that gratitude journal changed my life.  It sounds a little melodramatic, but it's true.  It changed my relationships with my family because I was focusing on all the good instead of the day-to-day drudgeries and cuz I was no longer complaining about my job in every single conversation.  And it changed my relationship with God because I realized if I was thankful, I must have someone to thank.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."  - Melody Beattie

I made up pretty little journals and gave them to friends.  I gave simple little books to everyone in my family and to everyone in my women's group from church.  I don't know if anyone ever used them or if using them changed their lives.  I just know how important it was to me.

Life is hard and times are tough for most of us much of the time yet we still have so much to be thankful for.  It's human nature to talk negatively more than positively as anyone who deals with the public can tell you - or anyone who's turned on the TV prior to the elections. And I'm no different - when I don't spend enough time reflecting on the good, I lack a certain graciousness in my speech and actions. 

So it's definitely time to remind myself again about all I'm grateful for:

my husband

my kids

my parents

my home

good friends

time to do my art

steady contract work the last four years

getting almost out of debt

the blogosphere

getting wiser as I've gotten older

etc, etc, etc.....................

   

   

One or None

When my son was a toddler we had this little routine we would go thru almost every time he wanted a snack:

Him: Can I have some cookies?
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me: You can have one.
Him: I want two.
Me (slightly exasperated):  You can have one.  Or none.

And, get this, most of the time he would walk away with zero cookies, thinking HE had taught ME a lesson.*

I'm not really sure what got me thinking about this today while I walked. Maybe it's because I ordered two breakfast sandwiches at Chick-fil-A yesterday (hey, one was spicy, one wasn't - it's perfectly logical!).  Maybe I was just hungry so I thought about cookies.  I'm not sure why I thought of it but the story made me realize how often I do this with other things in life. 

How often have I wanted MORE so much that I did not appreciate NOW? 

I think this lack of satisfaction & contentment is ultra-common.  Why do/did we have the home-loan fiasco, cheating spouses, wars?  People not being satisfied with what they have and going to great lengths to get bigger, newer, more.

But I'm not here to solve housing crises or wars, large or small.  I'm here to tell you some things I've learned.  The hard way.  After multiple lessons.  And this is a biggie:

Be satisfied.

In her song Soak Up the Sun, Sheryl Crow put it this way:

It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I mean, seriously, how great would I look in there????

In Hebrews 12:5 the writer says:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.

When we're not satisfied, when we don't live in gratitude for what we have, when we're not content:

• Our spouses & our children infer that they're not enough - not that we're ungrateful.
• Our children learn that greed is good.
• We complain and people don't want to be around us.
• We infect our entire lives with bitterness.

Yes, there are times when some of us do not have enough money for both food & medicine, gas & the rent.  Times when wanting more means needing enough.  When you're afraid that your kids could end up living in a cardboard box or somewhere you are not.  (Of course there are lots of times we think we're desperate but we're really not.) 

If we've practiced contentment before this then we can be at peace while we're doing what we have to do to provide. But if we've been ungrateful when times are good, what is left for us during the hard times?
Depression.  Despair.

* sooooooooooooo in the long run, Nate did teach me a lesson - by walking away with no cookies all those times, he never developed a love of sweets.  The little skinny toot.